you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
