Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
