And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
false alarm. still invincible.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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