I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
