She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
