Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize