btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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