I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
