can u get pink eye on your cock?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
