Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I did not marry a roomba.
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