Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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