the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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