i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Randomize
