I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
