you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
