Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
