If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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