im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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