I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
