The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
