Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
