So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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