it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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