That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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