Plan B is the new Plan A
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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