you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
