Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
