Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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