Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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