your parents love me but you hate me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
