And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
