we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize