If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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