i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
