my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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