ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
we should paint friendship bongs
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