Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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