if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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