Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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