I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
