So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
