everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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