I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
