i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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