when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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