I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
