she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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