Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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