i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
