The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
