Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
