Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
