I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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