forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
well you can't waste a boner
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
