I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
