I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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