Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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