i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize