"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
