I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize