She is in my trunk
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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