I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
