if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
