He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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