Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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