i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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