I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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