I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
someone owes me an orgasm
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
