party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
