me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
