I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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