god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
