You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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