so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
