It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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